Have you ever said something and felt like you were speaking in slow motion?
You can hear the words coming out, but you can’t stop them?
That’s exactly what happened to me 1-1/2 weeks ago right before I went into surgery. Here’s what I said to my surgeon:
“I’m so sorry for all of the FAT you have to get through in order to operate on my hip.”
After years of struggling with feelings of “not enough”—TONS of self-love and acceptance work purging all negative associations with body image…
I was STILL apologizing for who I was.
Why would I say that when I’m presumably comfortable (and happy!) with the body I have?
When we don’t have control it makes us feel vulnerable. Let’s face it—vulnerability is scary. Check out the definition:
- Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
- Open to attack or damage
It doesn’t get more vulnerable than laying on an operating table—naked—”lady bits” on display, with seven people you’ve never met surrounding you with hair nets, scrubs and face masks.
Apologizing for my “fatness” was my way of taking back control. If I told them I was fat they couldn’t criticize me for it because I beat them to the punch, right?
Wow, what a huge wake up call for me. My negative self image issues still reared their ugly heads when I felt like I had no control. This goes to show you how deep rooted toxic feelings are and how healing is a continual process.
In the upcoming weeks, I’m going to dive into this concept more but until then, know this.
YOU are enough! Never apologize for who you are.
Before you go to bed at night and first thing in the morning, I’d like you to repeat this statement 20 times.
“I love and accept myself for who I am.”
Consciously stating this affirmation over and over creates new neural pathways in the brain. This information eventually gets stored in your subconscious mind because you manifested it’s truth.
I know it sounds a little “woo-woo”, but trust me on this one 😉
If you struggle with poor self esteem or a negative body image and notice these things get worse when you feel vulnerable or out of control, let me know your best coping strategy below.
Cheers to your health,