Never Apologize for Who You Are

Have you ever said something and felt like you were speaking in slow motion?

You can hear the words coming out, but you can’t stop them?

That’s exactly what happened to me 1-1/2 weeks ago right before I went into surgery. Here’s what I said to my surgeon:

“I’m so sorry for all of the FAT you have to get through in order to operate on my hip.”

Wait…what?!

After years of struggling with feelings of “not enough”—TONS of self-love and acceptance work purging all negative associations with body image…

I was STILL apologizing for who I was.

Why would I say that when I’m presumably comfortable (and happy!) with the body I have?

When we don’t have control it makes us feel vulnerable. Let’s face it—vulnerability is scary. Check out the definition:

Vulnerable:

  1. Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
  2. Open to attack or damage

It doesn’t get more vulnerable than laying on an operating table—naked—”lady bits” on display, with seven people you’ve never met surrounding you with hair nets, scrubs and face masks.

Apologizing for my “fatness” was my way of taking back control. If I told them I was fat they couldn’t criticize me for it because I beat them to the punch, right?

Wow, what a huge wake up call for me. My negative self image issues still reared their ugly heads when I felt like I had no control. This goes to show you how deep rooted toxic feelings are and how healing is a continual process.

In the upcoming weeks, I’m going to dive into this concept more but until then, know this.

YOU are enough! Never apologize for who you are.

You are enough!

Before you go to bed at night and first thing in the morning, I’d like you to repeat this statement 20 times.

“I love and accept myself for who I am.”

Consciously stating this affirmation over and over creates new neural pathways in the brain. This information eventually gets stored in your subconscious mind because you manifested it’s truth.

I know it sounds a little “woo-woo”, but trust me on this one 😉

If you struggle with poor self esteem or a negative body image and notice these things get worse when you feel vulnerable or out of control, let me know your best coping strategy below.

Cheers to your health,

Mariah

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  1. Silvia

    I make an effort to “look well” even if I am staying home. It can be as simple as fixing my hair, a tiny bit of make up, wear something I feel good in. That lifts me up and makes me feel good about myself.
    Today I went clothes shopping, it was hard to try so many clothes and having to look in the mirror! But I persisted. I know I can look fantastic… in the end I did find something I felt comfortable in. I persisted, so tomorrow I can go to work with my new clothes feeling confident.
    However, I wish I had a flat tummy like yours!
    I wish you all the best Mariah in your recovery. Thanks for this post, it’s strange to think you said something like that having this amazing figure! But I know exactly what you mean. All the best, S.

    Reply
    • Mariah Dolan

      Sylvia,

      I think your approach is spot on! Just the other day I thought starting the new year, I’m not going to wear my hair in a ponytail anymore. I’ve had it in a ponytail for nearly 9 straight years since having babies.

      When they’re babies my hair hangs in their face and as they grow they just pull on it. I’m finally getting to the point where I feel comfortable wearing it down, since our baby will be two soon.

      When I wear my hair down, I feel more like calm-confident-I-got-this Mariah.
      When my hair’s in a ponytail I feel like frazzled-tired-sweatpants Mariah. You wouldn’t think something so small could have such a strong effect but it does.

      Good for you in rocking your new clothes feeling confident—that’s what it’s all about!

      Truth be told, Sylvia, I’ve gained some weight in the past few months because of hormones and hip pain—so I think that’s where my insecurities came from. It just shows you how deep rooted self conscious feelings are.

      Consciously I’m not worried about this weight gain at all because I know what to do about it and my mindset is good. But in that small moment, right before surgery, my subconscious insecurities came out. Again, it goes to show you healing is an ongoing process.

      Thanks for your well wishes, my friend!

      Reply
  2. Joy

    I read an article many years ago that recommended something similar. At the time, my youngest was an infant and I was in the depths of sleepless nights and busy days. The article recommended thinking of all the good things that happened that day as you fell asleep. In the morning, say out loud, “today will be a great day.” It really made a difference for me and I find myself still doing that today, nearly 7 years later. I’m amazed at the power of our internal thoughts. Always remember that even if you can’t see your beauty, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to your husband and girls.

    Reply
    • Mariah Dolan

      What a great story, Joy. Thank you for sharing.

      Your internal thoughts absolutely matter because they physically create neural pathways in the brain. So if you constantly think horribly about yourself—you’ll feel horrible. Simple as that. The same goes for positive thinking.

      Hope you’re finally enjoying some good night sleeps now!

      Reply
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